If you’ve been looking for ways to improve your self-esteem and self-worth, there’s a simple, incredibly effective exercise. Better yet, it’s one you can do right now, from home.

But first, let’s look at one of the major causes.

Issues with self esteem and self worth ironically don’t stem from ourselves. But rather, there is a cognitive bias at play that causes a lot of these issues. One you understand this, you’ll be able to boost self esteem more easily!

If you’d rather listen, this video walks you through the exercise to find your self worth again:

Now let’s examine one of the main causes.

The Major Blindspot We All Have

Let me ask you something:

To get to the point you’re at in life, you’ve probably had a lot of setbacks, right? You’ve had a ton of problems, heartbreak, misery, failure, self doubt, moments of low confidence, fear and so on along the way.

So do I.

So does everyone else.

But here’s the problem:

Because we’re stuck in our own heads all the time, we know every little insecurity and failure that we’ve been through. And our minds usually keep reminding us of these things. The events in our lives that have made us feel like we’re less of a person.

We know all of this about ourselves.

However, we do NOT observe these things in other people.

When was the last time you saw someone’s success and wished that it was you instead?

Or when did you think “Wow, that person has to be amazing for doing this!”.

Or think that some has gotten lucky?

It’s a complete fallacy in our thinking!

This is the blindspot that drains our self-esteem.

Picture it like this:

Because we only see their success from the outside, we don’t see all the hardships, pain, sacrifice, failure, self doubt (yes, even the most successful people have it) and fear in others. As a result, our brains don’t acknowledge these facts.

The result?

Because of this, we tend to think that they are somehow special.

And we tend to put them on a pedestal, while we put ourselves down.

How Social Media Can Destroy Self Esteem

All of this has been made 100 times worse by social media.

Here’s why:

Back in a simpler time, our parents were able to compare themselves to their coworkers, neighbors, family, friends and the people they saw on TV. It’s a relatively small group, mostly from smaller circles.

These days it’s worse.

Before, a girl would compare her looks to that of her classmates.
Now she sees tons of attractive girls on social media.

Before, your dad might have felt proud having a nicer car than the neighbor.
Now he’s only a scroll away from content of people driving supercars.

Before, people could feel worthy because they were on par with those around them .
Now we see so many people succeeding to bigger degrees in any realm that it makes us feels worse…

See how this would effect our self esteem and confidence?

Unfortunately, this view is also heavily biased (which we rarely stop to consider).

For one:

On social media, you only see people’s best sides.

Nobody is going to post how they’re feeling depressed or hopeless. Just the moments of having fun, milestone achievements and great vacations (17 pictures from 1 vacation spread out over the entire year).

This creates a false image.

Secondly:

The people who get the most attention on social media are the ones who look the best, have achieved the most, sound the wisest and so on. You’re still seeing the top <1%, but because the pool of people is now way bigger, it tends to look like “everyone” is winning.

They not!

It just looks like that.

Why We Self Sabotage

The result of this is the following:

We often feel like we don’t deserve certain things, and then sabotage our efforts.

For example:

  • You talk to a girl you feel is out of your league. You’ll stumble over your words or say something stupid. Your mind won’t let it go well because you’re “unworthy”.
  • You go to the gym and eat better to get in shape, but after you start looking great, you self sabotage. Your self image isn’t that of a fit person, and you slowly let yourself go.
  • When things go well at your job, you might start slipping up because you feel the last promotion was more than you really deserve in your career.

That’s where a lack of self worth and esteem gets you.

We pedestalize others.

We put ourselves down.

Let’s fix that to easily boost your self worth!

The Simple Exercise to Find Your Self Worth

With that context, let’s go to the exercise.

Here’s the issue we’re going to fix:

We look up to others because we see their virtues, but we don’t recognize our own.

For this exercise take out a piece of paper and follow these instructions:

  • Divide the paper in two sides vertically.
  • On the top left write the word “Features”.
  • Underneath, write down everything positive you have going for you.
  • Think of skills, positive traits, personality, physical features, being into personal development (thanks for being here). It could be something as small as you smiling at people or even negatives like not gossiping or talking down on people.
  • Continue writing the list until you have at least 40 items. Don’t filter, just write. No matter how small or stupid your mind makes you think it is, write it down!
  • Once you have your list, write the word “Benefits” on the top right.
  • Imagine a no-life miserable critic sitting across you with arms folded, asking you “so what?”. In this column write down how each feature is a benefit for you and others.
  • I.E. For smiling, you could write that it makes other smile too and feel better, your job supports your family, at your job you help people, people feel safe telling things because you don’t gossip, etc.
  • Continue until you’ve written down some benefit for each feature.
  • Now, look at your piece of paper and read it!

Here’s the key:

When you do this exercise, you’ll notice you have a lot more going for you than you give yourself credit for! Instead of only seeing virtue in others, you’ll start recognizing your own as well.

There are 2 rules for this exercise:

  1. Don’t filter or second guess yourself. The moment a feature or benefit comes to mind, write it down. Don’t let your own mind gaslight you into thinking you’re worse!
  2. Once an item is on the list, it STAYS on the damn list!

The exercise is simple but it will help you boost your self esteem and find your self worth!

(Yes, find! It’s already in there somewhere within you, waiting to be discovered and further developed)

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